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Mon, Apr. 23rd, 2012 08:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annarti
I don't get depression. I will probably make some people feel uncomfortable in this, but if depressed people can talk about their feelings and expect their nearest and dearest to understand, then damnit if a positive cynic can't do the same.
So, depression. I'm know it's a real thing, I know it's nigh-on impossible to get rid of, I know all the facts and everything but I just. Don't. Get it.
I'm an optimist. A cynical optimist, admittedly, but I've just always been determined to make the best of things. My default position is to like someone until they give me reason to think otherwise. I can't stand people being constantly negative about everything, whether that's groaning at every minor score in the footy or just hating on oneself. Hate it. Don't get it.
Being happy isn't an effort. It is so, so much easier to be happy than to be sad. Crying takes effort. Crying saps away any desire to do anything but continue being sad. It's a vicious cycle that just saps everything away. WHY DO IT? I just. Positive person, guys, I boggle.
I know. It's not a choice. I know that, but I don't get it. I simply can not understand it. Heaps of people tell me what goes through their heads--people I know and love and people on ads on TV--and I know it's crippling and all that. But just. Aadfsjkgla. Why would you do that to yourself? Why hate on yourself? More than that, why hate on yourself and not bother to fix it? Either like yourself or fix what you don't.
I hate seeing sexy, sleek, svelte ladies and wanting to be them, but I'm getting there. Gimme a year and I'll be just as sexy, sleek and svelte. I hate my skin and the fact I still have bachne, and creams and tablets and age and the pill and exercise and diet and nothing is getting rid of it, but I like my face, I like my eyes and my grin, and that's what people look at in the end anyway. I used to hate my procrastination, but I think being a full-time worker now has fixed that. I hate my memory, but... meh. Yeah I have no counter to that, but that's kind of the point.
When people start being depressed in my vicinity, I really have no idea how to react to this. Countering hate with love doesn't work. Countering justified negatives with more justified positives doesn't work. I'm too chicken-shit to actually say it, but I'm pretty certain saying "Then suck it up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT" doesn't work either, even though that is, most of the time, what I'm actually thinking. Seriously.
I know it's shit for you, but do you have any idea how much it sucks for a cynical optimist? I keep getting told I'm a good listener. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I want to try, it works for maybe the duration of time while I'm talking, but then I know as soon as the computer's turned off it's back again. The pattern seems to be this:
You: I'm depressed because of [this] and I'm a shit person because of [that].
Me: Well, you can fix [this] by doing [advice] and you're not a shit person because of [twenty things more important than that, and besides everyone does that anyway].
You: Yeah but CONTRADICTIONS which don't make sense!
Me: So do [other advice] instead!
You: MORE CONTRADICTIONS.
Brain: OH FFS.
Brain: I LOVE YOU.
Brain: I WANT TO HELP YOU, really I do, but you're making it damn hard by telling me my advice is worthless and--
Brain: You're not really listening to me at all, are you? Then why tell me in the first place if you don't want to get out of it?
Me: ... [kittens]
THAT is what makes me struggle to understand why it's not a choice. You take your car to a mechanic and tell them what's wrong. Mechanic tells you how to fix your car. You ignore mechanic and tell mechanic it won't work. Mechanic wonders why the hell you brought your broken car to them in the first place.
IS THAT SUCH A BAD ANALOGY? I DON'T THINK SO but as I keep saying, I don't get it. I try to. I really, really do. As I say, I know the facts, I know the sort of things that go through people's heads, but bugger me if the personal experiences don't contradict everything I get told.
Watch a Disney movie, suck it up and fix what's making you depressed. I don't care if it's hard to fix. It's gotta be easier than being sad. Cynical optimism, guys. Only way to go.
For those too chicken-shit to open the cut, here, have a song that pretty much sums it up.
So, depression. I'm know it's a real thing, I know it's nigh-on impossible to get rid of, I know all the facts and everything but I just. Don't. Get it.
I'm an optimist. A cynical optimist, admittedly, but I've just always been determined to make the best of things. My default position is to like someone until they give me reason to think otherwise. I can't stand people being constantly negative about everything, whether that's groaning at every minor score in the footy or just hating on oneself. Hate it. Don't get it.
Being happy isn't an effort. It is so, so much easier to be happy than to be sad. Crying takes effort. Crying saps away any desire to do anything but continue being sad. It's a vicious cycle that just saps everything away. WHY DO IT? I just. Positive person, guys, I boggle.
I know. It's not a choice. I know that, but I don't get it. I simply can not understand it. Heaps of people tell me what goes through their heads--people I know and love and people on ads on TV--and I know it's crippling and all that. But just. Aadfsjkgla. Why would you do that to yourself? Why hate on yourself? More than that, why hate on yourself and not bother to fix it? Either like yourself or fix what you don't.
I hate seeing sexy, sleek, svelte ladies and wanting to be them, but I'm getting there. Gimme a year and I'll be just as sexy, sleek and svelte. I hate my skin and the fact I still have bachne, and creams and tablets and age and the pill and exercise and diet and nothing is getting rid of it, but I like my face, I like my eyes and my grin, and that's what people look at in the end anyway. I used to hate my procrastination, but I think being a full-time worker now has fixed that. I hate my memory, but... meh. Yeah I have no counter to that, but that's kind of the point.
When people start being depressed in my vicinity, I really have no idea how to react to this. Countering hate with love doesn't work. Countering justified negatives with more justified positives doesn't work. I'm too chicken-shit to actually say it, but I'm pretty certain saying "Then suck it up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT" doesn't work either, even though that is, most of the time, what I'm actually thinking. Seriously.
I know it's shit for you, but do you have any idea how much it sucks for a cynical optimist? I keep getting told I'm a good listener. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. I want to try, it works for maybe the duration of time while I'm talking, but then I know as soon as the computer's turned off it's back again. The pattern seems to be this:
You: I'm depressed because of [this] and I'm a shit person because of [that].
Me: Well, you can fix [this] by doing [advice] and you're not a shit person because of [twenty things more important than that, and besides everyone does that anyway].
You: Yeah but CONTRADICTIONS which don't make sense!
Me: So do [other advice] instead!
You: MORE CONTRADICTIONS.
Brain: OH FFS.
Brain: I LOVE YOU.
Brain: I WANT TO HELP YOU, really I do, but you're making it damn hard by telling me my advice is worthless and--
Brain: You're not really listening to me at all, are you? Then why tell me in the first place if you don't want to get out of it?
Me: ... [kittens]
THAT is what makes me struggle to understand why it's not a choice. You take your car to a mechanic and tell them what's wrong. Mechanic tells you how to fix your car. You ignore mechanic and tell mechanic it won't work. Mechanic wonders why the hell you brought your broken car to them in the first place.
IS THAT SUCH A BAD ANALOGY? I DON'T THINK SO but as I keep saying, I don't get it. I try to. I really, really do. As I say, I know the facts, I know the sort of things that go through people's heads, but bugger me if the personal experiences don't contradict everything I get told.
Watch a Disney movie, suck it up and fix what's making you depressed. I don't care if it's hard to fix. It's gotta be easier than being sad. Cynical optimism, guys. Only way to go.
For those too chicken-shit to open the cut, here, have a song that pretty much sums it up.